Sir James of Calderwood - Not a Homecoming

So the man with the infamous Glasgow "patter" returns to Pittodrie on Saturday in charge of Kilmarnock.

After all his posturing for a "bigger" job, it has finally dawned on Jimmy Calderwood that the Aberdeen job was the biggest he'll ever have in football.  He's still droning on in the press that he can't understand why he got the sack from the Dons.  Let me explain Jimmy.

Yes, you stabilised the club at a time of complete turmoil.  However your mates in the Central Belt press over-egged your reputation to a nonsensical degree.  The rubbish that was spouted about your attacking play defies belief.  The football was mind numbingly boring.  In the whole time you were in charge I think I enjoyed the following games:

Dundee United 2-0 win at Pittodrie.
Dundee United 3-2 win at Tannadice in the Cup.
The wins at Pittodrie against your beloved Rangers.
The UEFA Cup game against Copenhagen (I was ill and couldn't attend Bayern Munich).
Celtic 4-2 win at Pittodrie.

I cannot and will not forgive you for the pain inflicted in the Cup defeats to Queens Park, Dunfermline and above all Queen of the South,

Queen of the Fucking South James.  At Hampden.  In a semi final.  All you had to do was calm the team down for 10 minutes after we'd equalised, pass it around a bit, take the sting out of the game and all would have been well.  Basic managerial stuff.  But you let us get sucked into a ding dong cup game.  Great for the neutral.  Soul destroying for a fan.  With an out on their feet Rangers waiting in the Final.  Clueless.

I hated the way you "matched up" your teams to whoever we played, let it be Munich or Montrose.

I hated the way you attacked Aberdonians for being soft and mollycoddled.

I hated the way you went on endlessly about your Rangers connections and your dad drinking in the Govan Bowling Club.

I hated the way you endlessly touted yourself for a new job, trying to use my club as a stepping stone, especially when taking the credit for a win. 

But always blamed the players when we lost.

I hated the way you sucked up to other teams and their players, "Big Lee", "Wee Barry", "Coisty" etc etc etc

I hated the way you name dropped.

So what to do on Saturday when you roll up the touchline at Pittodrie.  I know you'll be dying to get a poor reception.  This will allow you and your chums in the Glasgow press to go after Dons fans again. 

So I won't give you the satisfaction.  I'll do what I do with every other opposing manager.  I'll ignore you. 

And hope to God the Dons get three points.  Or we'll never hear the end of it.

Music tonight from American Rockers Train with Drops of Jupiter.  Sublime.